i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize