I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
