He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are we still banned from the library?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I want is dick and wine.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
