Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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