i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
