I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
