ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize