I wish I could punch you in the face.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
