Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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