i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
either way he was missing a nipple.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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