I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
