So drunk its hurt
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
