I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
