Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.