so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week