She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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