I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet