the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.