ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
