and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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