never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My vagina just recognized that song.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I could fuck to npr.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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