Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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