Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
