My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
