Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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