too bad you live with your parents still
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well you can't waste a boner
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
