she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
