OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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