Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
