Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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