Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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