You smell like a Billy Joel song
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
