There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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