Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
