dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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