I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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