It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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