I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
