What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize