Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He did a backflip because drugs
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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