My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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