How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
