You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
