You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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