Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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