Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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