would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
