Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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