I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
