um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
