ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
