Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In other news, I just burned my penis
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
