I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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