We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
