then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
