I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
