so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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