He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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