Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
