then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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