Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
