i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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