It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased