Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.