Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.