it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?