the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
