How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.