A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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