Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
