Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
