We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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