remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found puke in my bra..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
