Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
