I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
