i'm signing you up for texting rehab
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
