I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
