Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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