I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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