new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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