I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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