Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
