obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
