i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
