We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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