Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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