New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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